Quitting a toxic work environment

I recently quit from an ethics committee in which I serve. The decision was a gradual and cumulative one. I found some of the members and the chairperson to be very dismissive and disrespectful of researchers. I have been member of some ethics committees before and I have always believed that being an advocate for the welfare of the community does not mean one needs to be rude, raise one's voice and be belligerent. This committee in which I was serving was toxic and some of the members were unnecessarily being rude and disrespectful. After patiently listening to a string of rude remarks and discussions, I decided to step down from the committee because the toxicity was getting on to me. I have been thinking about this decision to leave the committee and these are my reflections. 

When something is not going well, is quitting a good response? People have told me before that it takes much more grit and strength to stay and fight toxicity than to quit and go. I have also been told that when good people leave the system because it is toxic, they are being unfair because the only chance of positive change leaves with them. Quitting is the coward's option; Quitting does not solve the larger problem; Quitting is a self-serving option. These have been the things I have heard when I have decided to quit. One well meaning senior colleague of mine even gave me a nice analogy. He said, "If you quit because of toxicity, it is like burning the house because there are a few termites infesting it!" All of this sounds right when we hear them during peace times. But when we are in the middle of the tempest, these thoughts don't help much. At that time self-preservation is the primary response. Firstly, I think it is heights of vanity to think that one can have so much influence on people that if they stay and fight, they can influence the group and reduce the toxicity. Secondly, the whole idea of bravery and courage in the face of adverse situations is relative. Quitting and moving on to better work is as much an act of courage as staying and fighting. Being a member of the ethics committee was useful for me in many ways. It helped me stay in touch with ethics review of research proposals, it would be a positive addition on the resume of a person interested in research ethics. So leaving it created quite a lot of uncertainty. It was not an easy decision to make. Therefore, the idea that staying and fighting was the better option is hyped! My response to the point that my quitting does not solve the larger problem, my staying doesn't solve it either! 

Is looking out for the 'good work environment' really a futile search? Be it my recent resignation from the medical college where I was teaching for more than 8 years, or the resignation from the toxic ethics committee, I have wondered if it is wrong to seek out for the 'good work environment'. People have told me that there is no such place. There will be toxic people and toxic situations in all work environments and leaving one to search for a better work place would only end up as a futile wild goose chase. I have also heard some seniors tell me that only if we stay long enough in a work environment do we put roots in the place and get a good enough hang of what happens there to decide on whether it is a 'good' or a 'bad' work place. Other well-wishers have also told me that whether I perceive a work environment as 'good' or 'bad' is purely my internal state of mind. If I change my attitude, I can continue to work in a place. But I think the search for the 'good work environment' is a worthy pursuit. Let us take the example of this ethics committee that I left. Over the past meetings with the committee, I have felt extremely uncomfortable working with them. Not only were there vast ideological differences, there were drastically different approaches to respect, courtesy, politeness and decorum. Over time I had built up so much resentment towards the committee that attending the meetings was making me apprehensive, because I started expecting the barrage of insults and judgments from certain members. I have served in other committees and have found those work environments so fulfilling and elevating. So, what is the point in sticking on to a toxic workplace when my frame of reference is a cordial and at the same time efficient committee? Therefore, I think it is important to constantly pursue a good working environment, because it motivates us to perform better and it makes us more meaningful contributors to the society. 

I am happy that I quit the toxic ethics committee. Yes, I am losing out on valuable learning and experiences that I could have from the committee. But I am also keeping my hope and spirits alive and searching for the 'good working environment'. The journey and the search is what life is all about, not the destination!