The grand template called Temple

Temples have played an important role in my life. A small temple of my early childhood that I recollect vividly is the Karkodi Amman temple in Nungambakkam. We used to live in Kumarappa Mudali Street and stone’s throw from there was this beautiful temple. There used to be metal railings on either side of the sanctum sanctorum to demarcate where people must stand to see the Goddess and offer their prayers. I remember climbing on to these railings as a child and performing mini gymnastics on them even as our mother would pray. As we circumambulate the main deity, towards the left side of the shrine there would be a drain where all the water, milk, curd, fruits, tender coconut and other liquids used in Abhishegam (washing the Goddess) would flow out and collect. Sometimes the drain would get clogged, and all the liquid would accumulate there and create a revolting odor. I can smell it even as I am writing this. I remember running round and round the main shrine, with erupting squeals of joy. There used to be a deity called “Thee Paanja Amman” (the goddess who pounced into the fire). After our mom explained the meaning, my brother and I would pretend to pounce when we came near that deity. Temple visits were fun, games and joy. 

I clearly remember the small Vinayagar temple near Samiyar Madam bus stop in Kodambakkam. The strong fragrance of camphor, incense, rose and jasmine flowers would waft through the air. The relentless calls of the crickets would be in the background. Occasionally sonorous ringing of the bell would sound. We moved to this area when I was in 2^nd standard in school. My brother was in lower Kinder Garten. Mom would send us both to school and pack an evening snack, change of clothes and drop them at our aunt’s place near Samiyar Madambus stop. We would go there straight from school, spend time with aunt and our cousins and return home in the evening around 6, when mom and dad would return from work. On our way back, it would be dusk time, things would be getting dark, and we would drop into the small Vinayagar temple on our way. The temple was usually quiet, dark, and empty barring the sights, sounds and smells that I had described earlier. Even now as I type this paragraph, I can vividly visualize the temple space and all the effects that go with it. This temple was the spot for peak visual, aural, and olfactory stimulation. 

 

Immediately after I finished my medical college education, another temple I frequented was KapalishwararTemple in Mylapore. I would take the 12C bus from Rangarajapuram and travel to Mylapore every Thursday evening. I would reach the temple sharp by 5 PM and that was the time for the evening rituals. The immediate post college days were a dark period for me personally because of work and career related struggles. I used to go to the temple just to vent, cry and draw energy and inspiration. As I stood in front of the Karpagambal deity, I would feel like a woman stood there and reassured me that everything was going to be well. Even now whenever I have a low mood or I am feeling very stressed, I can vividly recollect the sight of Goddess Karpagambal standing ethereally amidst the incense fumes, and dimly lit lamps with elaborate flower decorations. The five years following my medical graduation were tough times and it was my consistent visits to this temple that kept me sane. The temple visit was therapeutic for me. 

Till this point in my life temple visits used to invoke a sense of devotion and divinity in me and I used to feel like the Gods and Goddesses were watching over me and blessing me when I visit the temple. Young boys and girls are taught in religious, god-fearing, Hindu households that we go to temples so that we see the Gods, and the Gods get to see us and bless us. But all those beliefs changed. I started my post graduate training in community health. It was a time of shifting paradigms. I started working closely with communities, visiting villages, living with people in their rural backgrounds, experiencing poverty in its most natural and raw form. These people were not going to the temples because there was no time. They were not praying to Gods. But “something” or “someone” was overseeing them. Isn’t that how things work in the minds of someone brought up to believe that everything moved by the ‘command’ of God. I started questioning the idea of God in temples. I saw the horrible manifestations of caste hegemony and oppression in the communities. I realized that the caste system hinged on religious belief and was centered on God. It made sense that God could be a socially created construct and there could be life even without God and without temples. My parents disapproved of this ‘loss of faith’ and were seriously worried about why I stopped going to temples and worshipping God. There was this huge gap where I never stepped into any temple. I even avoided peeping into a temple as I would pass by it on the road. I was not a full-fledged atheist, but it made sense to me that there was no need to go to a temple. 

 

Then I started working in Rural Women’s Social Education Centre (RUWSEC), a rural NGO near the temple town of Tirukazhukundram. I have been working here from 2010, more than 14 years now. I have started going to the Tirukazhukundram temple regularly now for the past 6 months. Every morning, I take an early train, reach Chengalpet by 7.15 AM, take the bus and get to Tirukazhukundram by 8 AM. It is a short walk from the bus stand to the temple. There is almost nobody in the temple other than the priest at that time. I chant Sivapuranam a majestic composition by Manickavasagar in praise of Lord Shiva and some Tevaram songs and Abhirami Andadi, quietly standing in front of the deities. It is like an exclusive one on one audience with the Gods. I have been going three days a week, four weeks a month over the past 6 months. The sights, sounds and fragrances of the temple has become so familiar now, that I can instantly whip up a mental image of the entire Tirukazhukundram temple experience even when I am in Chennai in my room. My temple experience now is very different from the experience of Mylapore Kapalishwarar temple of early 2000s. When I am in the temple nowadays, I experience some intense processes happening inside my mind. Nowadays I don’t perceive the presence of an external power within the temple. I perceive a rapid change happening inside me when I am standing there in front of the deity chanting my prayers. The inner change is so drastic that I carry it out with me as I move out of the temple. I take it with me in the bus and the train back to Chennai. I had visited Geneva some time in February for a WHO meeting, and I realized that I had carried the Tirukazhukundram temple experience across the seas to Geneva too. I have reconnected with my temple experience in a totally different plane now. 

As I stand in front of the beautiful Dakshinamoorthy deity on a Thursday morning in the temple, with a single earthen lamp, incense and a small strand of jasmine garland, I feel something stirring inside my mind and connecting with a deeper sense of meaning and purpose within me. It is no longer God personified in the deity, rather it is the deity creating its reflection inside my mind. My temple visiting experience has evolved over the years. It started as a place of fun, games, evolved into a curious place which stimulated all my senses. Then it morphed into a place of religious worship and prayer. It has now evolved into a spiritual experience. Today, I see the Tirukazhukundram temple as this grand template. It has lot of blank space with appropriate prompts in the form of figures of Gods and Goddesses. Once I embed this template in my mind, I can fill it with the verses and songs of inner peace, mindfulness and meaning. I move in and out of the temple as I did even this morning, but the temple is embedded in my mind, and I am able to connect with a deep sense of purpose within me. I am grateful to all the great kings and emperors who created these grand spiritual templates that have stood the test of time and give people like me unique experiences.