Between thoughts and words

I stumbled upon an article in one of my social media feeds this morning during my travel to the clinic. Nora Fatehi is getting flack for her comments on feminism. In a recent podcast she is quoted to have said that "I dont need anybody" kind of feminism has destroyed the social fabric and women must play a role as nurturers. She has subsequently defended her statement that she only referred to toxic and radical feminism in this manner and is not opposed to the feminist ideology. Some commentators have asked, "have we become over-sensitive"? Are we overdoing activism, by raising voice against everything? This article got me thinking and several important events in my life that transpired over the past couple of months flashed across my mind.  Last week we had a research team meeting. We were discussing our job responsibilities for the week. There was a major temple festival ongoing in the nearby town. The main festival day, Saturday, was declared as a local holiday. ...

One of the most common themes that my sister and I discuss with each other is the need to get our work to be perfect before it is put out there for people to consume. Both of us are creators. I write and do podcasts and she is a painter. Our styles are very different. She will keep reviewing her painting again and again, keep finding errors here and there, revising them to the best of her ability and sometimes she will just discard some paintings without even allowing the world to see them. On the other hand, I many times don't even hear the podcast recording before I post it. I don't even review the blogs I write before I publish them. Two extreme courses of action! I have been thinking about perfectionism and what it brings to the work of a creator.  I think the need for our work to be perfect comes from different spaces: (1) A need for validation and approval, (2) A deep attachment to the content, (3) A belief that what is created is first of its kind, original, (4) A height...

Yesterday was Tamil New Year Day. As is the ritual on the first day of the year, people share good wishes to one another. One of the commonly shared wishes is that of good health, and prosperity in the new year. One person wished that I should start something new, something totally unexplored before, something that excites me, something that I had always wanted to do but could not till now. It was a well-intentioned wish, and it got me thinking. This is a reflection on that wish.     Venturing into new things and constantly reinvesting oneself is a good thing, but after much thinking I have concluded that it is a privilege and not essential for a meaningful life. While I was reflecting on what this person wished for me, there were two things that I asked myself. Firstly, what is a ‘new venture’? Secondly, is there a downside to starting new things? This thought process gradually drove me to my conclusion.    Doing new things is great! It opens the mind to new horizon...

Some of our patients have very high tolerance to pain. I have always had huge respect to people who have high pain tolerance. I saw one such woman yesterday with high levels of pain tolerance and she got me thinking.  She is a 35 year old woman from a village near our clinic. She was a reluctant visitor and was very uncomfortable in the clinic. Our community health worker accompanied her and told me, "This woman has a large swelling over her mid back to the left side. Can you please help her?" Even as the community health worker was explaining this to me, the woman was very uncomfortable and kept gesturing to her that she wants to leave. It seemed that the community health worker had coerced her to come to the clinic and get the swelling sorted out.  I began the clinical interaction by asking the woman about the swelling. She responded to all my questions in single words or sentences. "I have had it for 20 days", she said. When I asked her if it was painful, she sai...

A friend asked me an important question recently. "What does it mean to you to be a doctor?" I have been pondering over it the past two days and several thoughts popped up in my mind. I wrote down all the thoughts that came to my mind and organised them into this essay.  Medicine is my job. It puts food on my plate. From the time I started in 2002, medicine has consistently and faithfully fed me, clothed me, sheltered me and taken care of my most basic needs. It has never been about luxury or indulgences, but being a doctor has given me the security that I will never go hungry. It has assured for me a basic standard of living, which has been steady.  While on one hand it has given me a steady income and sustenance, it is also something I am interested in doing. I have heard the phrase "work-life balance" and have wondered what it is. Why should there be a balance between work and life? If work is exciting and interesting, wouldn't one want more of it in their li...

The demure young girl sat on the patient's chair in front of me. She was wearing a bright yellow saree with a red blouse. There was a green string of beads on her neck. She had parted her hair in the middle and braided her hair loosely. She sat there quietly as her aunt who was accompanying her spoke to me,  "She is married for 3 years now, but is not yet pregnant. We want to check her up and make sure that she has a baby soon. Otherwise her in-laws won't have her. They have sent her back" The girl was intently gazing out of the window which is right behind where I was seated. Then she started looking down at her own feet. She never lifted her eyes to meet mine. I started asking more details of her history. Slowly her story unravelled. She was 17 years old. She was married 3 years ago immediately after attaining menarche. She was living with her husband since past 3 years. She had totally had only 1 menstrual cycle after attaining menarche. Now she was here to undergo...

Recently I did a podcast on essential and non essential treatments . This blog is another dimension of the same story. Seventy five year old Mrs. M had come to our clinic requesting for repair of her split earlobe. In south India, some women wear heavy ear studs and rings and sometimes they bear down on the earlobe piercing and split the ear lobe. We have done repair of the earlobe for several women in our clinic. Earlobe repair is considered as a cosmetic surgical procedure. Last Sunday we repaired the earlobe of Mrs. M, but we took a lot of slack for it from our staff. They asked whether such a 'cosmetic procedure' was required at all. They also questioned whether it was right for us to do such a procedure in the middle of a busy clinic day, especially when the number of days we run the clinic is limited.  Yesterday another woman came to visit us in the clinic. She narrated the story of her neighbour who had fallen unconscious in their home. The man had diabetes and hypertens...

A few months ago, we cut down on the number of bill write offs in our rural clinic due to a heavy financial crunch. Prior to this move at least 20% of the patients who visit the clinic would have their bills written off, but now we barely waive the bills of about 5% of the patients. Before we made this decision, we went through a lot of deliberations on what would happen to the regular long term medications that these patients were taking. One great buffering system that we had in place is the Makkalai Thedi Maruthuvam scheme of NCD care at people's doorstep that is implemented by the Government of Tamil Nadu. My colleague led a state-wide evaluation of the reach and access of this scheme and her findings were encouraging. Many rural poor were now receiving diabetes and hypertension medications at their doorstep through the MTM scheme. Not only this, many people who were previously taking medicines from the private sector had converted to the public sector, thanks to the MTM scheme...