Mentor Mentee Resonance

Suzanne Koven in her article titled “What is a Mentor?” published in the New England Journal of Medicine wrote, “…a true mentor is someone who has more imagination about you than you have about yourself”. Today is 5^th of September, Teacher’s Day in India. It has been particularly sentimental for me, because I resigned my job as a teacher about 7 months ago. Teaching is not my main job nowadays. I have been reflecting all day about my teachers and how they have influenced my life and what being a teacher meant to me. 

When very important events happen, the Universe pauses for a second and focuses all its energy on the event. I know this, because every time I think of the moment I stepped into Room 101 in Apollo Hospital to meet Dr. K.P. Misra, my teacher and mentor, I feel that the whole Universe paused for a second. It was a transformative moment. Initially it was just awe and wonder of being so close to such a great man, an exemplary teacher and one of the most compassionate clinicians I have ever met and worked with. But as the years went by, the wonder waned, and a deeper and closer bond evolved between Sir and me. When I read what Suzanne Koven wrote about a mentor, I thought of Sir, because nothing could describe the bond between Sir and me better than those words. I was an average medical student in Madras Medical College, reticent to open up to people, not very communicative with patients, without interest in anything other than reading textbooks. One wouldn’t expect a charismatic and exuberant person like Sir to associate himself with the dull and average student like me. I still don’t understand what Sir saw in me. I still question why he invested so much of his time and energies in me. Being with Sir, moving with him and watching and learning from him on a day-to-day basis from very close quarters, transformed me in ways that I cannot even begin to describe.   

 

Did Sir see something in me that even I did not know existed? One of my very close friends, who calls me her mentor, (I don’t know why she does that), texted me today “You’ve been a mentor, a friend, a guide, and someone who always believes in me, often more than I believe in myself”. She expressed the same sentiment that I feel about Sir. I ask myself “Are great teachers gifted with the vision to spot talent in people?” I have been thinking about this and I think the answer is quite complex. In some cases, the mentor probably has this ability to spot brilliance that lies hidden. It may be the small cues such as the look of understanding in the student’s eye which tells the mentor that they are of similar wavelength. It may be the attitude of respect for the mentor’s opinions and perspectives, which show the mentor that they share common values. It may be the way the student pays attention to the small but important details in a class. I remember this particularly interesting student of ours from the first batch when I started teaching in a medical college. I taught his batch from the third year till internship. He has never come up to me and spoken to me within or outside the classroom. But the attention he paid during the class, the way he responded to the emotions that I evoked during my lecture and his body language made me see that this young man is a great doctor in the making. We became close after internship and till date we stay in touch. He is doing great things as a pediatrician. I am not claiming my greatness in spotting him as a great doctor in the making. I am just reflecting on how some mentors could spot hidden talents. 

 

I think there is another mechanism for this whole thing. The mentor just likes the student. Or the student and mentor mutually like each other. This may be because they find something like themselves in the other person. Once this happens, a strong mentor-mentee bond form. During the mentor-mentee transactions the characteristics of the mentor rub on the mentee and the mentee is inspired and motivated to work more and more. This reinforces the mutual love and respect between them till the mentee becomes someone that the mentor him or herself will respect. I think this is what happened between Sir and me. I was a below average person. But being with Sir and receiving his unconditional love and support inspired and motivated me to become a better version of myself. I wanted to become someone Sir would respect. And when a life is touched by brilliance, becoming brilliant is inevitable. 

 

So when Koven wrote, “…a true mentor is someone who has more imagination about you than you have about yourself”, I think it is more than just the imagination. It is like properties of waves that we study in Physics. When two waves interact with one another, a phenomenon called ‘interference’ takes place. Two waves with different frequencies interfere. One is the mentor wave, which has high frequency and the other is the mentee wave with low frequency. Initially when these two waves interfere some ‘beats’ which are oscillations, may happen, but at some point ‘resonance’ will take place during which the mentee wave achieves the frequency of the mentor wave. I think it is far more complex than the mentor identifying the talent in the mentee or imagining about the mentee. It is a combination of this imagination and some resonance happening by association. I am extremely fortunate to have had Sir in my life with whom I could resonate and whom I could imbibe good traits from. On this teacher’s day, I remember Sir and seek his blessings to continue to guide me in all my work.